Vietnam is a vibrant country with deep-rooted cultural traditions, strong family values, and unique social customs. While locals are generally warm and welcoming, there are many unspoken rules and behaviors that can surprise or confuse Americans—especially those used to Western-style communication and social norms. Here are some of the most common Vietnamese social rules that tend to leave Americans puzzled.
Vietnamese social customs are deeply shaped by tradition, Confucian values, and community-focused living. What may feel indirect, overly formal, or unusual to Americans is part of a system built on respect, harmony, and cultural pride.
Vietnam is a captivating destination with breathtaking landscapes, incredible street food, and a rich cultural history. But for many Americans, adjusting to Vietnam’s unique social customs can be unexpectedly tricky. What’s considered polite, respectful, or even normal in Vietnam might seem confusing—or downright awkward—to a visitor from the U.S.
Understanding these cultural nuances isn’t just about avoiding embarrassment; it’s about showing respect and building better connections with locals. From the way people greet each other to unspoken rules around dining and personal space, Vietnamese etiquette can feel like a cultural curveball if you’re unprepared.
Read here the best things to know before visiting Vietnam, how to get from Hanoi airport to Old Quarter and Ho Chi Minh airport to city center.
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Quick Tips for Navigating Social Etiquette in Vietnam
Use Two Hands When Giving or Receiving: Especially when handing over money, gifts, or a business card—it’s a sign of respect.
Don’t Touch Anyone’s Head: The head is considered sacred in Vietnamese culture, even for children.
Avoid Public Displays of Affection: Holding hands is okay, but kissing or hugging in public is often frowned upon.
Keep Your Feet Off Furniture: Pointing your feet at someone or resting them on chairs/tables is seen as disrespectful.
Smile and Stay Calm: Confrontation is avoided in Vietnamese culture—politeness and calmness go a long way, even in disagreements.
One of the biggest points of cultural tension is directness versus indirectness. In Vietnam, people often communicate subtly to avoid confrontation or embarrassment, while Americans tend to value direct, straightforward speech. This difference can lead to misunderstandings on both sides.
Another controversial aspect is the strong emphasis on hierarchy. Age, social status, and family position play a big role in how people interact. To many Americans—who are accustomed to more egalitarian relationships—this can feel restrictive, while to Vietnamese people, it’s a cornerstone of social respect.
Even dining customs can spark debate. From the communal sharing of dishes to the expectation that the host will serve guests first, these traditions reflect hospitality and care. However, Americans unfamiliar with these norms may interpret them as overly formal or even intrusive, revealing just how differently cultures can define politeness.
Vietnamese Social Rules
1. Elders Are Always Respected—Without Question
In Vietnamese culture, age equals authority. Elders are treated with great respect, and it’s expected to greet and address them properly. Even in informal settings, the age hierarchy plays a major role in conversations and decision-making.
Why it baffles Americans:
While Americans value respect, they also tend to treat everyone as equals, regardless of age. In Vietnam, not showing deference to elders can be seen as rude or disrespectful.
2. First Names Aren’t Always First
Vietnamese names are written family name first, then middle, then given name. For example, in the name Nguyễn Văn Minh, “Nguyễn” is the family name, “Văn” is the middle name, and “Minh” is the given name.
Why it baffles Americans:
Americans are used to the first name being the person’s actual “first” or personal name. Referring to someone by their family name without understanding the order can lead to confusion.
3. Public Displays of Affection Are Rare
You won’t see much kissing or hugging in public, even among couples. Physical affection is considered very private, and even hand-holding between romantic partners is subtle.
Why it baffles Americans:
In the U.S., hugs, kisses, or holding hands are common forms of affection. In Vietnam, this kind of openness is considered too intimate for public.
4. Don’t Touch Someone’s Head—Especially a Child’s
In Vietnamese (and many Asian) cultures, the head is considered sacred, especially for children. Touching someone’s head—even affectionately—is viewed as intrusive or disrespectful.
Why it baffles Americans:
In the U.S., ruffling a child’s hair or giving a friendly pat on the head is seen as harmless affection. In Vietnam, it can be seen as culturally insensitive.
5. Personal Space Is Much Smaller
Vietnam is densely populated, and people are used to living and interacting closely. Whether it’s on a bus, in a market, or at a family gathering, closeness is the norm, and physical space is often limited.
Why it baffles Americans:
Americans generally value personal space. In Vietnam, crowded conditions and close proximity are just part of everyday life.
6. Smiling Doesn’t Always Mean Happiness
In Vietnam, people smile in a wide range of situations—including when they’re nervous, embarrassed, or even apologetic. A smile may not always mean someone is happy or pleased.
Why it baffles Americans:
Americans typically interpret smiling as friendliness or joy. In Vietnam, a smile might be a way to mask discomfort or avoid confrontation.
7. Avoid Pointing with Your Finger or Feet
Pointing directly at someone—especially using your index finger or your foot—is considered rude. Feet are viewed as the lowest and least clean part of the body.
Why it baffles Americans:
Americans often use pointing for directions or emphasis. In Vietnam, gestures are more subtle, and it’s better to use your whole hand or chin to indicate direction.
8. You’ll Rarely Hear “No” Directly
Vietnamese people may avoid saying “no” outright to maintain harmony or save face. Instead, they may say, “maybe,” “not sure,” or give vague responses to avoid confrontation or offense.
Why it baffles Americans:
Americans value directness and clarity. The Vietnamese tendency to communicate indirectly can be interpreted as evasiveness, when it’s actually a sign of politeness.
9. Family Comes First—Always
In Vietnam, family is the cornerstone of society, and decisions—whether personal or professional—often involve family input. It’s not uncommon for adult children to live with their parents well into adulthood.
Why it baffles Americans:
The American cultural focus on individualism and independence contrasts with Vietnam’s communal, family-first approach to life.
10. Taking Off Your Shoes Indoors Is Mandatory
It’s customary to remove shoes before entering someone’s home, and sometimes even certain indoor spaces like temples or traditional hotels. Not doing so is considered very disrespectful.
Why it baffles Americans:
In the U.S., wearing shoes indoors is common. In Vietnam, cleanliness and respect for personal space start at the front door.
11. The Concept of “Face” Is Deeply Rooted
“Saving face” refers to maintaining dignity, honor, and social harmony. Public criticism, raising your voice, or causing someone embarrassment can cause a person to “lose face”—which is taken very seriously.
Why it baffles Americans:
Americans may value open discussion or feedback, but in Vietnam, preserving harmony and respect takes precedence over blunt honesty.
12. Don’t Stick Chopsticks Upright in Rice
This is a major faux pas. Sticking chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice resembles incense offerings at funerals and is considered bad luck or even disrespectful.
Why it baffles Americans:
It’s an innocent habit for Americans who don’t know the symbolism—but in Vietnam, table manners carry deeper meaning.
Final Thoughts
Vietnamese social customs are deeply rooted in centuries of tradition, shaped by Confucian values, community living, and a strong sense of respect for elders. To an American visitor, these rules can feel unfamiliar, even puzzling, but they play an essential role in maintaining harmony.
Understanding these customs isn’t just about avoiding social missteps—it’s about appreciating the cultural values behind them. Whether it’s the way gifts are given, greetings are exchanged, or dining etiquette is observed, each practice reflects a collective respect for relationships and social order.
By approaching these differences with curiosity rather than judgment, travelers can enjoy more authentic interactions and a deeper connection to Vietnamese culture. These “rules” may be different from what Americans are used to, but they offer a refreshing perspective on community and respect.
About the Author: Ruben, co-founder of Gamintraveler.com since 2014, is a seasoned traveler from Spain who has explored over 100 countries since 2009. Known for his extensive travel adventures across South America, Europe, the US, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, and Africa, Ruben combines his passion for adventurous yet sustainable living with his love for cycling, highlighted by his remarkable 5-month bicycle journey from Spain to Norway. He currently resides in Spain, where he continues sharing his travel experiences with his partner, Rachel, and their son, Han.